In March, we learned that the iconic Australian soap Neighbours would be canceled. “We are so sorry to say that after over 37 years and approximately 9,000 episodes broadcast, we have to confirm that Neighbours will cease production in June,” the show’s Twitter account wrote.
“To our fantastic, dedicated supporters, we know this is a huge disappointment, as it is to all of us on the squad,” the tweet continued. We appreciate all of your messages and support, and we pledge to end the program on a positive note. We’ll be commemorating Neighbours from now on.”
“Bah, what ‘incredibly high’?’ we scoffed. How can they possibly create one out of something so incredibly sad? That was our hill and we’ve sat on it, sulking, since early spring, just waiting for the end.
But hold on a second. Something really great happened this past weekend (May 1). On their Instagram sites, Jason Donovan and Kylie Minogue each shared opposing sides of a screenplay, which looked to hint and then confirm that their beloved Neighbours characters, Scott and Charlene, will make cameo cameos in the show as it comes to a close later this year.
I’ll be 40 in December, so Neighbours has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Moments from Neighbours have popped up in my real life. Things that happened to me prior to or during Harold’s amnesia, Helen Daniels’ death, Chrissy and Caroline, Toadfish, and Bouncer the dog, And there were a lot of half-finished milkshakes on the coffee shop tables.
I’ll admit that I haven’t watched Neighbours in years, so I’m well aware that the show’s cancellation is entirely my responsibility. But when I was six years old, I remember watching Scott and Charlene’s legendary wedding episode and thought Kylie was the most gorgeous lady on the planet. Despite his 80s mullet, I thought Jason was my dream man. Perhaps even as a result of it….
I hadn’t seen the wedding episode since 1988, but I watched it again tonight, dear reader, and I’m sorry to say I was disappointed. Here are all of the things that seemed amazing in 1988 but that I now wish I hadn’t seen.
- Charlene begins the day with a line uttered by no other bride before or since: “This is going to be the best wedding ever, I just know it!”
- Every man has a mullet. Jason isn’t the only one. It’s each and every one of them.
- The guys are dressed in dinner jackets with black bow ties, rather than wedding suits to match the peach bridesmaids or Charlene’s peach and white dress (beautiful).
- Charlene is late, and Scott is concerned that she will not show up. This makes me nervous as well. Why is he so concerned? We required further information, but we never received it.
- Charlene comes down the aisle to Angry Anderson’s Suddenly rather than Especially For You, as I recall it in my mind.
- In the church, there are two full minutes of no dialogue at all. It’s just loads of close-ups on people’s smiling faces and teary eyes. Harold, Helen, Hilary, Henry, and then all the other characters whose names don’t begin with an “H”. Daphne, Gayle, Paul, etc. The wedding kiss between Scott and Charlene feels unpleasant. It’s a three-second snog with full-on school-disco feelings.
- The reception will be held in Jason’s living room. No, he was actually in his grandmother’s living room. This is Australia, after all. It’s also Ramsey Street. Couldn’t they have at least had an outdoor BBQ?
No, they couldn’t do it. Helen has moved some furniture out of the way and hung some ribbons, so that should be enough.
- Instead of speeches, they read telegrams from persons who were unable to attend.
- The bridal bouquet appears to be A: phony. And B: as if it had just been dragged from a street hedge. Mrs Mangle is the one who manages to get a hold of it.
- The food is a jumble – Mrs. Mangle has gone straight for the cake as soon as they get from church, but the only other option appears to be cocktail glasses full of avocados and limes.
- There’s a mouse running around on the floor.
- In Scott’s childhood bedroom, Scott and Charlene open their wedding gifts.
- The gift that makes everything “extra perfect” is a “four-year apprenticeship at the garage”. “Now we’ve got everything,” says Charlene.
- Charlene’s middle name is revealed to be Edna.
- After only 10 minutes at the reception, the couple exits and walks down the street to their ‘Just Married automobile,’ while their pals sing Auld Lang Syne mysteriously.
To be honest, I wish I’d left this whole episode safely in my memory.